This past week, Shannon put onto a blog by a woman (girl actually) who, at 31 had her second child. The child has Down's. For those of us who work in special education, we know that having a child with Down's is not the end of the world. In fact, Down's children are generally the angels on Earth. Seeing them smile, makes my day. I can make a smile last for over a week and through the worst of behaviors. Just give me a smile!!

But that made me think...why do some of us get through bad times while others of us get pulled down into the depths of despair? Why do some of us weather those bad times and come out on the other side all right while others of us never recover from it? And at what point do some of us realize that the "bad times" were not really so bad after all?

In thinking about my own experiences and those of my friends and family, I have decided the key is whether we feel sorry for ourselves or not. If we have a sense of entitlement the This-should-not-be-happening-to-me feeling, then we are more likely to suffer through this 'bad time" worse for the wear. We let this experience bog us down, keep us up at night, and all in all impact our everyday life. We begin to see this as a something that will go on for our lifetime rather than realizing that it might be only for the moment.

For those of us who see this bad experience as "momentary", we are more likely to get through it much better. It may keep us awake one or two nights, it might bog us down for a week or so and it might impact our life in a temporary way, but we know it will all be "better in the morning". We look for the "good" in the day cuz we simply cannot take any more "bad". And in looking for the "good" we start to see more good than we expected to see. The child's smile, the beautiful sky, the unexpected interaction with a good friend....all add together to make our day "good". Very seldom is it a BIG thing that makes our day good; rather it is the culmination of many small things.

Certainly, there are lifetime events that don't go away in the morning. Having a baby with Down's or having a stroke or being in an accident that changes who you are and the things you are able to do. None of those things are "momentary". They are life changing events. But I think the philosophy is still the same. Rather than wallow in the "bad", you start to look for the "good". You see the smile of your baby and the recognition that you are important to him/her past being a feeding machine, you make small progressive steps in your life that make you more independent and you redefine who you are and what you can do and then you see all of that as "Good". Suddenly, the bad is not so bad and then the bad is easier to live with and then the bad is all behind you.

I pray that no matter what happens in my life that I am able to always find the good in my day. Talking to Shannon or Michael is good. Watching Alyssa play, sing, dance, talk, walk, laugh, grow is very good in my day. Doing a good job at work is good in my day. Spending time with my husband and appreciating him for who he is is "good" in my day. Yes, I have had bad times. I have been curled on the floor sobbing as if there was no hope for tomorrow. But somehow or another, I have been able to lift my head after a period of time and start looking for the good. I want to always be that way. May I never get lost in that "feel sorry for me" world. That is NOT who I want to be or how I want people to remember me.

Just my thoughts for today!!

On the web

I am at a conference and have been told to create a blog.  However, I already have one so I am typing so I don't look different but I am not going to share my blog address with the room.  I don't know these people and am not comfortable sharing my personal blog space with them.  They will get way too much information about me!!  :)

Checking In

I don't even remember the last time I posted something!! It has been forever.

Life is good...humming along as it were. I am back on the Optifast Diet and have lost almost 12 pounds to date. I am hoping to hit that 12 pound mark tomorrow because I have to weigh in. If I walk the treadmill tonight, I stand the chance. The good thing with the 11.4 pounds down is that I can get back into pants that I had to give up earlier in the fall. They are still snug but they are wearable. I am hoping that by May, I will be back into my summer time clothes from two years ago or even have to buy new summer time clothes. The chance is there; let's see if the determination is. I do think it is though.

Poor Buster. For the last 3 weeks he has been shaking his head, scratching and has generally been miserable. We thought it was the repeat of whatever had caused issues last fall. I asked for antibiodics and got them so I was comfortable but Buster never became comfortable. I took him to the doctor on Monday and he is in sad shape. He has allergies, a yeast infection in both ears and bacterial infections in both ears. The left ear is the most severe. We had to culture the bacteria because the medication wasn't working so obviously this infection is resistant to the antibiodics. Hopefully on Saturday or Monday we will have the answer and be able to get him the right medicine. He did get a steroid shot on Monday which has helped with the itching and he has medication to treat the yeast infection so that seems to be helping. Luckily all the other dogs seem to be doing well although I noticed Mayer really shaking his head the other day. Hope we aren't onto a repeat!!!

School is going well. We have less than 80 days of school left and I am counting every one of them I think. I am so ready to be off for the summer. Some people say they can't imagine staying home all the time. I can. I think I have enough to keep me busy. We'll see.

Okay...gotta get back to work. Just checking in.

I'm Done with College!!

Today, my brother's 56th birthday, is also a big day for me. I am finally done with all of my coursework to earn my Assistive Technology Specialist Certificate. No, it is not a "degree". But it was the same amount of work as a degree in my mind. After 25 years of avoiding college classes like the plague, I went back to college. I did the work, wrote the papers, took the tests and attained my certificate with a 4.0 G.P.A. Yeah, it was one or two classes at a time, but it was after 25 years of NO college work. I am very proud of myself. I feel like I stretched. I feel like I proved something to myself. I am happy to be done with it but so happy that I even tried to do it.

All is well on the home front too. Duane is home from Canada and it just feels so good to have him back. On the way home, his bosses called him to tell him they were renewing his work visa for England and I am so hoping they won't try to send him back there to "live". If he had to go back for a month to work and then could work for a couple of months at home, I would be okay with that. But I would not be okay with him going there to "live" and come home "occasionally".

Christmas is upon us. I am in the "mood" for Christmas although I don't have the money for Christmas. All is good with me and my family. I feel blessed and know that I am loved by so many people. I love so many people. When it is all said and done, isn't that what it is all about?

I'm done!! After 15 hours of classwork and 15 months of college classes, I am done. I turned in my last paper last night. I have one more "journal" that will say nothing because the journal is to keep us aware of what we have to do for the class and then I have to fax my journals to the professor after my supervisor signs off on them. Nothing work after all I have done. Once all of that is in, they will send me a certificate that will proclaim that I am an Assistive Technology Specialist. That will be so very sweet.

The question does occur to me: What will be my excuse for not working out now that I don't have "homework" to do??? Hmmm maybe I should actually get to the gym so I can have the "I'm too sore" excuse...:0)

Duane is coming home. He should be home on Friday night or Saturday as his job with Camillion is wrapping up and he can finish the work from here. I will enjoy having him home again but am a bit worried about where Discoverture will send him next. It would be so very nice for me if they would give him a job that he could do from here and maybe fly to the site for a week or two at a time. It isn't easy for us to be apart. Yet, if that is what he continues to do, we will have to endure this until I can retire from teaching. Then I could go with him I suppose.

Michael should be home tonight from California. I look forward to having him home too. I like my time alone but miss my people!!

Christmas is coming!! Our house is decorated and it feels good. I am starting to think about doing some baking. I love this time of year! But for now, I gotta get to work!!

Being a wife

Its been so long since I have written here, no one will read this!! :) Its okay. Life has been more than busy and even though I go to read Shannon's blog, I just don't take the time to write on mine. I'll try to catch up.

Duane is coming home for Thanksgiving!! I am so excited to have him home. Its interesting. I miss him so very much; more than most people know. I was telling this to a friend of mine; about how much I miss Duane and how excited I was to have him coming home, and she looked at me and said, "But don't you love it too? Love it that he is away and you don't have to be "the wife" everyday?" She went on to explain that she was happiest when her husband was traveling because she and the kids could kick back and relax. Mac and Cheese was a good enough dinner for them. But the truth is "No." I love being a wife everyday. I love having someone to share my life with. I love having someone to cuddle with when I go to sleep. I love waking up in the middle of the night knowing I am not alone. If I have a bad dream, I can roll over and take comfort in his presence even if I don't wake him up to tell him how bad the dream was. I have to get up in the morning first and I love the way we play before I actually get out of bed; him teasing me about how he gets to "sleep in" or trying to push me out of bed so he can get the "warm spots". There is so much I miss when he is gone like this. I understand what Nancy was saying, but, still the answer is "no".

I am taking next week off school. We have Wednesday off anyway but I am taking Monday and Tuesday. Its been stressful at school, Duane is home, it is Thanksgiving week...I want a break. Then I will have about 4 weeks until Winter Break. That should be a pretty busy time too but different busy. By then, college classes will be finished and I will have my A.T. Specialist Certificate. I remember last year, thinking that it would be a relief to have it done but knowing I had a whole year to go. Now, here I am...I love that it will be over and I won't have to feel guilty for not doing homework at night!!

Okay..gotta do a few more things and then I am off to work. I hope, if anyone reads this, that you have a good day too!!!

Yesterday afternoon, I sat in a really bad IEP meeting. The child is a non verbal child and the mother wants him to talk. Unfortunately this child is 7 years old and will say random words but nothing consistent except for ball and no. I started down the augmentative communication system last spring and at first mom was against it but then got on a bandwagon and wanted the DDD system to buy the device like yesterday. She has been hounding them unmercifully. But she is spouting that the child has made no progress and will make no progress until he talks out loud to her. He doesn't talk of course because the schools have not done their job and the only answer to that is to make them do their jobs by requesting more intensive speech/language services while also increasing his academic goals. (One on one therapy in our own little room is her ideal speech/language solution.) She stated that she has been paying $200.00 an hour to a private therapist that she would not name and they have not been able to make him talk either but that is not the private therapist's job....it is the job of the school. I asked for progress reports from the private therapist but she "doesn't know where they are"...hmmmm like maybe there aren't any??? She also stated that his Rehabilitation Counselors (para professionals who have a minimal college education or who have passed a state test) also say he needs at least an hour more speech per week. I asked, "Oh are these habilitation counselors licensed speech/language pathologists?" and she looks at me and deadpans, "I don't know." We all know they are not. She also states that DDD will not provide speech/language therapists to her. My thought is that there are DDD SLP's out there but she makes their lives so hard, they will not work with him. This ordeal is not over as we left the meeting with the parent and the lawyer asking for another evaluation so we'll see where this lands. I do know that I can leave that school and pick up a different school if that is what is needed. And believe me, I just might.

This meeting was just the icing on the cake for a bad week. It has been hard emotionally, physically and any other way you want to name. I am not sure why but I am so glad it is over. I will regroup on the weekend and then hit Monday with new energy!!!

Gotta go in to work...Later.