Its been March since I blogged???? Wow, where does the time go??

It is May 1st. I am watching the Kentucky Derby early races and I think: Why didn't I move to Kentucky when I was young? Why didn't I try to get on with a horse farm when I was a kid? I so love horses and watching the races thrills me. My heart is in my throat as I pray no horse falls and gets hurt on the wet track and thrills when I see a horse from the back come around and take the lead. Since I have no "favorite" it really doesn't matter to me who wins and who doesn't. I do like Kentucky Derby Day.

School is almost over for this year. I am glad. It has been a good year and I have not had any serious issues past October but I am finding as I get closer to retirement that it is harder and harder for me to motivate myself to get things done as quickly as I should. I mean I get my stuff done in time but it doesn't have the same gratification.

It has been nice to have Duane home from Canada. I have to share him with Oregon every week to two weeks but at least he is home for a week to two weeks too. I am handling that really well. His last trip home was so awesome. From the time I picked him up at the airport until the time I took him back we had lots of laughs, good talks and time together. It is like we were almost always on the same thought pattern. I felt really close to him and still do even though he is in Oregon right now. This project could last Duane a couple of years. I am good with that.

Gonna have a bladder biopsy on Thursday. I was pretty nervous about it until I got to talk to my own primary care doctor. He has reassured me that while the procedure may cause me some pain when it is over, it is good to have done. Chances are good that everything will be fine. In fact there is a better chance that things will be fine than there are that things will not be fine so I am just wanting to get it all over with now. I generally handle pain okay so long as it declines day by day so that is where I am the most nervous. But what I know is that we do what we have to do and we handle what we have to handle when the time comes.

Mom is struggling. The doctors have told her that she probably won't walk/one has said she definitely wouldn't walk...the other said...never say never. However, she is filling up with fluid and unless she gets a catheter in soon, things are going to go south for her quickly when it finally happens. I worry for her. When she talks to me she says stuff like "God doesn't love me" and "I don't know why this has happened to me". I have talked to her a lot about this not being a measuring stick of God's love. What it shows me is how much she associates "love" with "getting her way". If someone doesn't give her what she wants when she wants it, then that person doesn't love her. How sad. But Dad has helped to cement that thought process in Mom's mind. Still, I don't wish these things on my parents and I worry for both of them. I just feel that Mom is not doing well.

Well, I want to pay a little more attention to the t.v. and the Derby while doing some cross stitching, so I am going to end this now. I will write more another time. Maybe next Friday after the biopsy.

Have a great day!!!