Full of Thoughts

I'm sitting here at my lunch just full of thoughts; thoughts about work, thoughts about life, thoughts about my business, thoughts, thoughts, thoughts.....

It has hit me again at how much I miss Mom. I can get up and go to work. I can live my life. I can look forward to the future. But deep down is this underlying thought that I miss my Mom. It is in everything I do. People keep saying, "With time, things will get better" and while I believe that, I keep secretely wondering when that will happen. I talk to Dad every week and that is good for me. I see how he goes on and I know that deep inside him, he misses Mom every minute of every day even more than me. He can laugh and joke and look forward to upcoming events but every now and then he lets it slip how much he misses her. He talks of "being bored" and I know its because she always had him running. He very seldom ever had a moment to himself to do what he wanted and this alone time is drastically different for him.....but he still misses Mom.

I am hating school this year. No..maybe that is too strong. I am having little patience with school this year. I have teachers and parents demanding the unreasonable and emotionally I just am not up for it. I have requested a meeting with one teacher and although she has read my email, she has not responded to it. That is just mean and uncalled for. I will try again tomorrow when I am over there but I really do not think she will be available to talk to. There is still 151 days of school left. When those days are gone, will I be able to work just Keeling and Associates? I sure hope so. I have to make sure those bills are paid off though so that when all is said and done, we can live on Duane's salary.

The thing that brings me incredible joy in spite of all my doom and gloom are the kids and grandkids. Yesterday, Shannon posted a YouTube video of Colin climbing the stairs. Oh my gosh...I must have had a smile from ear to ear plastered to my face when I watched it this morning. What a little munchkin!! He was so proud of himself climbing those stairs and when he saw Chris behind him his smile would have made the most wretched feel good inside. And there is nothing in the world to me like Alyssa saying, "Hi Grandma!" I miss her so much and so look forward to seeing her when I go back for Colin's birthday party. She throws herself into my arms and the world is better than all right. Shannon and Chris are doing good and they allow me to be a part of their lives. I am so grateful that my daughter is not only my daughter but my friend as well. I will always be her Mom but I no longer "mother" her unless she asks for it. How wonderful is it to know you have raised a daughter to be a good wife and mother? And Michael is so much better. He is working hard and doing things that make him feel successful and satisfied. I see him laughing a little easier these days than he has been in past months. I think of all he has been through since his car accident in 2009 and am so pleased that he has been able to overcome these things and be a better person for it.

Well, I guess in spite of me having more thoughts, I should get this posted and get back to work. Lunch time is almost over and I feel a little better for having gotten all of this down. I'll try to write again soon.