I'm Done with College!!

Today, my brother's 56th birthday, is also a big day for me. I am finally done with all of my coursework to earn my Assistive Technology Specialist Certificate. No, it is not a "degree". But it was the same amount of work as a degree in my mind. After 25 years of avoiding college classes like the plague, I went back to college. I did the work, wrote the papers, took the tests and attained my certificate with a 4.0 G.P.A. Yeah, it was one or two classes at a time, but it was after 25 years of NO college work. I am very proud of myself. I feel like I stretched. I feel like I proved something to myself. I am happy to be done with it but so happy that I even tried to do it.

All is well on the home front too. Duane is home from Canada and it just feels so good to have him back. On the way home, his bosses called him to tell him they were renewing his work visa for England and I am so hoping they won't try to send him back there to "live". If he had to go back for a month to work and then could work for a couple of months at home, I would be okay with that. But I would not be okay with him going there to "live" and come home "occasionally".

Christmas is upon us. I am in the "mood" for Christmas although I don't have the money for Christmas. All is good with me and my family. I feel blessed and know that I am loved by so many people. I love so many people. When it is all said and done, isn't that what it is all about?

I'm done!! After 15 hours of classwork and 15 months of college classes, I am done. I turned in my last paper last night. I have one more "journal" that will say nothing because the journal is to keep us aware of what we have to do for the class and then I have to fax my journals to the professor after my supervisor signs off on them. Nothing work after all I have done. Once all of that is in, they will send me a certificate that will proclaim that I am an Assistive Technology Specialist. That will be so very sweet.

The question does occur to me: What will be my excuse for not working out now that I don't have "homework" to do??? Hmmm maybe I should actually get to the gym so I can have the "I'm too sore" excuse...:0)

Duane is coming home. He should be home on Friday night or Saturday as his job with Camillion is wrapping up and he can finish the work from here. I will enjoy having him home again but am a bit worried about where Discoverture will send him next. It would be so very nice for me if they would give him a job that he could do from here and maybe fly to the site for a week or two at a time. It isn't easy for us to be apart. Yet, if that is what he continues to do, we will have to endure this until I can retire from teaching. Then I could go with him I suppose.

Michael should be home tonight from California. I look forward to having him home too. I like my time alone but miss my people!!

Christmas is coming!! Our house is decorated and it feels good. I am starting to think about doing some baking. I love this time of year! But for now, I gotta get to work!!

Being a wife

Its been so long since I have written here, no one will read this!! :) Its okay. Life has been more than busy and even though I go to read Shannon's blog, I just don't take the time to write on mine. I'll try to catch up.

Duane is coming home for Thanksgiving!! I am so excited to have him home. Its interesting. I miss him so very much; more than most people know. I was telling this to a friend of mine; about how much I miss Duane and how excited I was to have him coming home, and she looked at me and said, "But don't you love it too? Love it that he is away and you don't have to be "the wife" everyday?" She went on to explain that she was happiest when her husband was traveling because she and the kids could kick back and relax. Mac and Cheese was a good enough dinner for them. But the truth is "No." I love being a wife everyday. I love having someone to share my life with. I love having someone to cuddle with when I go to sleep. I love waking up in the middle of the night knowing I am not alone. If I have a bad dream, I can roll over and take comfort in his presence even if I don't wake him up to tell him how bad the dream was. I have to get up in the morning first and I love the way we play before I actually get out of bed; him teasing me about how he gets to "sleep in" or trying to push me out of bed so he can get the "warm spots". There is so much I miss when he is gone like this. I understand what Nancy was saying, but, still the answer is "no".

I am taking next week off school. We have Wednesday off anyway but I am taking Monday and Tuesday. Its been stressful at school, Duane is home, it is Thanksgiving week...I want a break. Then I will have about 4 weeks until Winter Break. That should be a pretty busy time too but different busy. By then, college classes will be finished and I will have my A.T. Specialist Certificate. I remember last year, thinking that it would be a relief to have it done but knowing I had a whole year to go. Now, here I am...I love that it will be over and I won't have to feel guilty for not doing homework at night!!

Okay..gotta do a few more things and then I am off to work. I hope, if anyone reads this, that you have a good day too!!!

Yesterday afternoon, I sat in a really bad IEP meeting. The child is a non verbal child and the mother wants him to talk. Unfortunately this child is 7 years old and will say random words but nothing consistent except for ball and no. I started down the augmentative communication system last spring and at first mom was against it but then got on a bandwagon and wanted the DDD system to buy the device like yesterday. She has been hounding them unmercifully. But she is spouting that the child has made no progress and will make no progress until he talks out loud to her. He doesn't talk of course because the schools have not done their job and the only answer to that is to make them do their jobs by requesting more intensive speech/language services while also increasing his academic goals. (One on one therapy in our own little room is her ideal speech/language solution.) She stated that she has been paying $200.00 an hour to a private therapist that she would not name and they have not been able to make him talk either but that is not the private therapist's job....it is the job of the school. I asked for progress reports from the private therapist but she "doesn't know where they are"...hmmmm like maybe there aren't any??? She also stated that his Rehabilitation Counselors (para professionals who have a minimal college education or who have passed a state test) also say he needs at least an hour more speech per week. I asked, "Oh are these habilitation counselors licensed speech/language pathologists?" and she looks at me and deadpans, "I don't know." We all know they are not. She also states that DDD will not provide speech/language therapists to her. My thought is that there are DDD SLP's out there but she makes their lives so hard, they will not work with him. This ordeal is not over as we left the meeting with the parent and the lawyer asking for another evaluation so we'll see where this lands. I do know that I can leave that school and pick up a different school if that is what is needed. And believe me, I just might.

This meeting was just the icing on the cake for a bad week. It has been hard emotionally, physically and any other way you want to name. I am not sure why but I am so glad it is over. I will regroup on the weekend and then hit Monday with new energy!!!

Gotta go in to work...Later.

Its been forever

Its been forever since I posted here. Things are busy and I am glad. For as much as I complain about being busy, I have found that "busy" actually helps to balance my world. That helps when things get stressed.

Duane and I have to buy a new car. I hate car buying. Tell me you are going to rip my fingernails out and I might actually let you over having to go buy a new car. We have test driven a Ford Escape and I rented one when I was in Missouri. I really like it as cars go. It is probably not my first choice but I am trying to be practical. Duane has the Fit back East and I need something I can haul things in. My Audi just doesn't cut it. I am also looking for something that has a lower payment than the Audi, takes regular gas instead of premium and doesn't cost me $90.00 to get an oil change!! This car meets those qualifications. Last night I was the go between Duane and the car salesman. When it was all over, I was so stressed, I had hives. But it looks like the Escape will be ours by the end of the day unless I like the CRV that I have been told to test drive.

College is on the back burner right now and I know I am going to pay for that. This weekend I really have to sit down and do some major work on my portfolio and on getting that survey out to teachers so my capstone project can be in on time. The weather is perfect and I can tell you, it is going to be rough to have to make the other stuff a priority.

But for now, I am off to work. It is going to be a busy day!!

Later!

I write these in the morning when I don't really have much time. I did get up a little earlier today so I have a few moments.

On Thursday night, I will be on my way to Missouri to see Shannon, Chris and Alyssa. I am so excited to see them. Shannon and I have talked on Skype a few times and I have gotten to see Alyssa crawl. That has been so fun. But the most fun of all is when Alyssa spots me on the computer screen and smiles at me. That just warms my heart so much and I just want to reach through the screen and pick her up and play with her. I know Shannon is somewhat stressed because Alyssa isn't sleeping through the night yet but I look at that little girl and think how happy and healthy she looks. Teething is hard time in a baby and parent's life and that is also in their near future. But all the same, its something that has to be gone through and 99.9% survive it.

I am also going to see my parents. I am not looking forward to that so much. I think things will be fine but I am realizing as time gets closer to being there that I am not truly over what they did to me this summer. I am getting really irritated with Charla too because the last couple of times she has gone to Mom and Dad's she hasn't called me to let me know how things are going. Last night when I was talking to her, she said something about being tired and I told her that it is what she wanted. I told her that she let the folks set it up so they relied only on her and that she was getting what that presentation did. She likes it that they rely on her and not on anyone else. She likes it that everyone calls her to find out how Mom and Dad are doing. But just wait. Once Mom and Dad are more work or they have passed, she will become the martyr. The only one who took care of the folks; the only one who did anything significant for them. She will claim that Craig and I just swooped in and swooped out for very short time frames and she was the one doing all the work. And she will be right but not because Craig and I wanted it that way but because that is the way she set it up.

School is busy. College is busy. (Thank goodness it is my last semester!) I miss Duane. Its going to rain!! I love that. Random thoughts but the most organized thought is that I have to get out of here and head for work!! Later!

Its Friday. Thank goodness!! Not only is it Friday; it is payday Friday. Don't know why I felt so relieved when I saw that money in my account this morning but I did. Of course, I have to transfer some to our joint checking account, but I will do that tomorrow.

I'm sad. One of my favorite teachers has resigned. She has been dealing with some very difficult parents and finally one looked at her after an hour long meeting and said, "You knew my son was coming to you all summer long and you did nothing to prepare for him." Now, Dee had this boy last year. He is autistic and has some very challenging behaviors. She lost one para who called her and said, "Dee, I love you and your classroom but I can't face another year with C." Many people feel that way about C. But not Dee. She loves this boy. She does everything in her power to make school work for him and then she gets slammed like that. But this is only one parent of about 5 who has given her so much grief in the last two weeks. She just couldn't take it anymore. Now I worry for the kids, the status of that classroom and frankly for me. Dee and I were a good team. Now I am not sure what will happen. We have two weeks before she is gone so we'll see how it all works out.

Later

Its Thursday. I am ready for the weekend. I want to be able to sleep in and not worry anything. I won't have to clean house cuz I am having JoAnn clean it tomorrow. That means I can cross stitch, read, do school work, whatever without the need to also clean the house. It is in pretty good shape because I cleaned it Sunday but it never hurts to have it done again!

School is going well but I am looking forward to my first days off. I'll have 5 as I am going to Missouri over Labor Day. So, its not the lazy around the house days off but still it isn't school.

Gotta run

Even more sure Sarah was in the house on Monday. Michael got into the cookies on my computer and found that the person on my computer was researching how to get the most from the client. How to approach them, smooze them so to speak. Who else but Sarah? And as Michael said, if it had been anyone else my laptops would have been gone!!! Don't have tine to write more...early morning meeting today..gotta run!

Just a short blog today. Was doing my thing last night and went on to Facebook. Afterwards, I was wondering why. When other people make comments, someone always comments back. I comment back to some people. But very very seldom does anyone ever comment on anything I say. Honestly, it makes me feel invisible. Makes me wonder why I bother.

Its Monday. My third Monday since starting school this year. I start my therapy today and am anxious to see how my kids are doing. Have they regressed over the summer? Have they improved? Are they happy to be working with me again? What's up with the three non verbal kiddos? Will my boss switch assignments on me? (That is a possibility and one that I might not be opposed to.) Questions questions questions!!

I got the house all cleaned up yesterday. I can't believe how much better I feel when the house is dirt, dog hair and dust free; even if it is only for a few minutes!! I also went to the grocery store and restocked my poor bare cabinet! Michael would have had a valid complaint of "no food in the house!!" It was a good day overall. Next week David and JoAnn will clean the house on Friday so I can play all weekend long! I didn't get to cross stitch this weekend which makes me a little sad. I do like to do that too.

I got to see Alyssa on Skype this weekend. She is growing so big! I was watching her sit and play with her toys. Amazing that six months ago she was just this little blob of humanity and now she is an interactive happy child!!! I can hardly wait to get my hands on her in two weeks! I bet she is crawling or close to crawling by the time I get there on Labor Day.

Okay...gotta fix my coffee, pack up the lunch that I made last night, get Buster his food, check the hot tub and then leave for school. Busy busy busy. And Shannon if you are reading this, I will be at Lone Mountain this afternoon if you want to call.

Smiles!

School started

School started for me on Monday. It is good that I have a routine now; just wish it had waited until after Duane left for Toronto again. It was so good having him home. Funny how fast you get used to having someone around and how long it takes you to get used to not having them there. Last night was a long long night. I don't have time to write much because I have to get some breakfast on my way to school but I wanted to put something down. I will try to catch this up tonight when I don't have anything to do!!! All is good. I am not depressed...just missing Duane. bye for now!

More Thoughts

Its a little after 11:00 p.m. and I am thinking of bed. I feel pretty good tonight...not dead tired like last night. I've had a very good day. Didn't get as much done as I had planned but I did get the research done for the paper I have to have written by Friday night. I read through the articles tonight and have some ideas that I would like to have perculate in my brain. I'll probably actually start writing the paper tomorrow night and hope to have it done by Friday. I should.

The Discoverture Team has been sent home; all except for Duane of course. It is such a compliment that they asked him to stay but so hard on him to be there by himself again. Even though he didn't see his fellow workers on the weekends or evenings, they were there working beside him during the day. Now they are all on their way home. He doesn't know how long he will be staying. His boss is not going to let him stay there on the cheap. The company was expecting to make money on this project and after paying $4000 for 5 people to attend a two week training, after putting out thousands of dollars for the guys to lease apartments, after building expenses budgets, the company says, "oops, jumped the gun too fast. go home. we are sorry for 'interrupting' your life" I doubt that they let Duane go cheap. The company may not want to pay Discoverture's asking price and Duane may be on his way home sooner than he expects. I wouldn't mind if he came home sooner rather than later. It is lonely here without him and the dogs miss getting their treats.

I know as soon as Duane walks in the door, Buster will run to the pantry and ask Duane for a treat. I don't think I have given them a single one since Duane has left. That was always Duane's thing; not mine. When I am near the pantry the dogs don't even lift there heads to figure out what I am getting out. They would probably all faint if I got out the treats.

I think a storm is coming our way. I thought it was going to miss us but now I am not so sure. I should go outside and put shock in the pool before it gets bad. I am going into my office tomorrow to get some things done. Hard to believe school is going to start in a week and a half. But what I have learned is that the school year goes faster every year!!

Okay...shock the pool and then call it a night!!

Coffee

I didn't start drinking coffee until I was 51 years old. Even with that, sometimes I only drink a half a cup. I have to put Splenda and milk or coffee creamer in it to drink it but I can drink it that way. Here's the really scary thing. Now my day just doesn't start right unless I have my coffee. What will I start doing next?? Having a cigarette too??? Oh heaven help me!!!!

I woke up last night with my left wrist just throbbing. I must have lain on it wrong because it was swollen and when I put it up on Duane's pillow to elevate it, it felt like it did when I was having surgery on it. It felt like the muscles were moving and my fingers were moving involuntarily. I had to get up and take some Alieve because it hurt so badly. Luckily for me, this morning, it is better.

Today is an anniversary. It was one year ago today that Shannon told me that she was having a baby. Now we have Alyssa in our lives. What a blessing she is!! I have to admit that I never get enough of her. I love holding her, smiling at her, talking to her, watching her, playing with her and hearing her laugh. I don't even remember what life was like before Alyssa was born. All I know is they grow up way too soon. I always think of that when I hear the country music song, "You're gonna want that back". Its a song about how this girl wants to grow up and she does. But people keep telling her not to look so far into the future that she misses what she has right now because "these are the best times of your life and you're gonna want this back".

Today they move Mom from Rusk Rehab to Heritage. I know it will be easier on Dad to have Mom right there in Centralia. I do hope the quality of her therapy is good. I hope she makes some more progress there. Getting stronger is the only way Mom can come home.

Okay..gonna call Charla to see what she knows.

Facebook

For years I have heard about My Space and Facebook. "Its for the kids" has been my thought. A social networking kind of thing that had its ups and downs like anything else. Lately, though, I have heard from more and more of my friends and my husband how Facebook is for anyone. I just kinda blew it off. Then Duane developed his Facebook page. I didn't think much about it. Sometimes that is the way he connects with his children rather than using the phone or email; so I just didn't think much about it. Then Shannon posted pictures of her California trip on her Facebook page. I wanted to see them so I thought...."Oh I'll just develop my own page so I can see her pictures". When I did this, I thought it would be a fleeting thing. Oh My Gosh!! Yesterday was my first real day on Facebook and I have reconnected with many of my old college friends and several of my high school friends. People have contacted me and I have contacted people. I have gone from thinking I would have only 1 or 2 friends to having a list of 11 people in one day. And one of those 11 people had more people for me to contact. I was amazed. I do see how people can become addicted and honestly, I can't let that happen to me because I have too much to do to sit around checking out my facebook page. I'll probably do it in the morning and then again in the evening but all of those posts in between will just have to wait.

Duane is coming home in two weeks. Two weeks from today at this time, I should have him in the car!! I can hardly wait. But for today, I have to work on my college classes and get those tests and projects at least started. So, here's to closing this and opening my books!!!

Smiles.

The month is flying by!! Soon we will be back to school and living regular schedules again. I love my summer breaks. I love not having to get up to do anything but feed dogs and I love lounging in my pajamas (or swimsuit) until I feel like taking a shower. I just love summertimes!!

But even with all that being said, I guess I will enjoy going back to school too. I like my job. I like the people I work with. I like my kids and it is always fun to see how they have grown and changed over the summer. Once the heat dies down, school is actually a steadying influence on my life.

Mom is leaving rehab on Friday and going to Heritage to continue work on building strength. I am relieved she isn't going straight home and very glad that Dad doesn't have to drive to Columbia every day of the week. I do hope that we can get Mom home. I know that would be the best thing in the world for her psychologically as well as Dad. They will need to find a new "normal" and I think that can be done.

Duane is coming home!!! I am so excited for this visit of his. It is good that we can talk on Skype every night but seeing him in person is going to be wonderful. Sometimes I have to roll my eyes at something he says or something he does, but I cannot tell you how lonely I get here without him. I mean, after all, rolling your eyes at the dogs really does not have the same effect at all!!

It is so hot here. This is the time of the year that I just die. I don't want to go outside at all! But like all things, the heat will pass and we will be into the fall and winter. The year passes so quickly now. It seems like just yesterday that it was January. Now it is July. And the middle of July at that!! Everything has its season is so true.

Okay..off to cross stitching for a little bit before getting in the pool. Did I tell you that I loved summertime????

Monday

Its Monday and I am leaving in a little bit to go have breakfast with Vina. We are going to The Place. It is a restaurant that is owned by the people from up in Flagstaff (Mike and Rhonda). I thought since Vina likes to eat breakfast out best of all that this might be something nice for her.

The weekend was pretty quiet as Fourth of July weekends go. There were some major fireworks on the street for about 20 minutes (which, of course sent Mayer into tail spins) but then it quieted down.

I am beginning to wonder about the people across the street. They used to be the wild ones on the street. However, I haven't seen the lady in so long that I have forgotten the last time I saw her out and about. The guy she was living with must work nights because I see his car has been moved several times but I seldom see him. I think the last time I saw him was the end of April or the first of May. She had 3 boys that were constantly playing in the street. I have only seen the youngest one every now and then but never the older two. In fact, the last time I saw the older two was when they were on their way to school in March or April. Yesterday when I cam home from Vina's two younger people came out of the house and climbed into a red car and drove away. It was the first time I had ever seen them. You may think I am nosy but the difference in the house in the last two years is like night and day. Just weird.

I know on my last post I was really down on Mom and Dad. My feelings are still very hurt but I am regaining some perspective. The relationships are what they are. They will go the way they will go. I have spoken to both of them since the post and they seem to be doing well. Mom only has 12 more days at Rusk and then we will see where this takes her.

Duane is hoping to come home the last week of July. We are trying to find a way for him to come home without having to use vacation days. The last week of July, he is supposed to be involved in an audit with Discoverture. He was supposed to do it via phone conferences but he is hoping to get the company to pay for him to come home...him to go into the office 4 hours a day and work on his project for Canada in the afternoons and be home all week long that way. It sure would be nice to have him here. That would be my last week before school started but it would be so nice to have him around again. To be honest, sometimes I am so bored here by myself. I still haven't found a routine and at this stage of the game, I may not!!

Okay...a few more things to do and then I am off to have breakfast. Have a good day, dear follower!!!

Smiles.

I'm sad

It has been a rough two days for me. Yesterday, I was all set to attend the conference call from Rusk regarding Mom's progress and therapies. About a half hour before the call was to happen, the social worker called me and told me that Mom was insisting that I not be allowed to attend this conference. By Hippa laws, they had to honor her wishes. I was taken aback but certainly understand the constraints the medical community is under. I asked if she could let me know how the conference went and she said she would ask Mom and Dad if she could report to me. If they said it was okay, she would let me know.

About two hours later, she called me and let me know what had been discussed. Right after I got off the phone with her, Charla called. She also told me everything that the social worker had said. I didn't say anything about already knowing because I figured Dad had called her and let her know what was up. But as the conversation progressed, she told me that she had attended the conference call. Apparently, Trish, the social worker, insisted that another family member be present and so they said to call Charla. It was a public humiliation. I cried all day. It would be like me being sick and one of my children being there to help and I say..."No. Not them. Call the other child." I was sick to my stomach and still am if the truth be known.

After I talked to Duane on Skype, I felt better. Today has been better. But I just got off the phone with Dad. I told him I didn't appreciate it. He got all worked up, started to cry and pray to God like the world had collapsed on him. I am sorry, but I couldn't be sorry for him. He has allowed Mom to treat me like crap all my life and just when I let my guard down, it happens again. I've had it with this. It makes me sick that I am treated the way I am. I am going to fade from the family. I am not going to call or reach out to them anymore. If they want me around, they will have to come looking for me. After tonight, I am sure that won't be often and that is okay with me. I never thought I would say this about my parents or siblings. I never saw this coming; especially after the last few years when things had been so much better with my mother. Guess the joke is on me, huh?

I'm Home

Today has been a busy day. I got up fairly early and called the social worker at Mom's hospital. She told me that Medicare would only allow 23 days of rehab from June 25th. That kinda scared me because I knew Mom would not be ready to go home after 23 days. Come to find out they will transfer her to a Skilled Nursing Facility (nursing home) after those days for more rehab and then hopefully back to Rusk for another 20 days before releasing her to go home or to whereever they place her.

Dad said today that she has bowel control for sure but that is not so. They have been giving her things to help her move her bowels and they are pretty sure she does not have bladder control. She is still requiring maximum assistance for everything. It was a discouraging telephone call but one that needed to be put out there. Tomorrow's conference call between me, the folks and the hospital folks will not be pleasant, I am sure. Its going to be an uncomfortable reality check for the folks.

Being home has been busy too. I have the dogs at Petsmart being groomed right now so they will be home in a bit. I have cleaned the pool. I have thought about getting dinner but have not done so yet. Guess I should get to that soon.

I'll write more tomorrow I hope. I think I will have some more time then.

Another Day

I am sitting in Amarillo in my hotel room missing my Missouri family so much. I had such an awesome time with Shannon, Chris and Alyssa! Of course, nothing warms my heart more than listening to my children talk and laugh, which they did plenty of this past week! This time, our vacation was enriched by Cat, Michael's girlfriend, coming along. She kept everyone laughing too and she fit in with the family so nicely. I think I can safely say that everyone liked her a great deal.

But of course, I have to talk about Alyssa. She has grown so much from that newborn that mewed when she cried. She now has a full set of lungs on her and she uses them frequently! However, the lungs are off set with the cutest little smile and a cuddle that makes you forget that she was screaming just a few seconds earlier. I fell so in love with that little girl and I can honestly say that my heart ached when I left her sleeping today. I have 106 pictures of her and a couple of videos. I can hardly wait to come back and see her again and how much she will change in between visits.

It was awesome to see Duane too and to share Alyssa's baptism with him. We didn't get much time together but what time we had was so nice. We feel so close to one another and when he left to go to Toronto yesterday morning, I missed him immediately. I haven't had much time to talk to him today but am hoping to get a few minutes tonight after he gets off of his conference call. We'll see. I know he has got to be beat after driving for over 10 hours yesterday.

Tomorrow we will get up, have breakfast and hit the road. We are hoping to be back in Phoenix sometime between 4 and 6 p.m. It would be very nice if we were home before dark! If Michael has anything to say about it, we will!

Until later.

Life Changes

I had no clue how my life would change after the last post. I was so looking forward to my vacation to Missouri. I would see Duane, play with Alyssa and see my parents, aunt and uncle and my sister. I did get to do all that but not exactly the way I had planned.

On June 19th, my mother had a pretty normal day up until about supper time. She heard a clap of thunder and went around the house unplugging all the appliances that she normally unplugs when a storm comes up. When she returned to the kitchen, she experienced a severe pain in her breastbone area that left her breathless. My dad asked if he should call 911 but she asked him to eat his dinner while she rested on the couch. She walked to the couch but then couldn't get her left leg up on the furniture. He helped her. He ate his supper...quickly and went to see how she was feeling. Although the pain was gone, she was unable to move her left leg at all. At that point he called 911.

The paramedics thought Mom was having a stroke and got her to Boone County Hospital as quickly as possible. Once there, it was determined that she did not have a cerebral stroke but they could not find any explanation as to why she was unable to move her left leg. They ran multiple tests and finally on Monday, they were able to determine that she had a spinal stroke. It is a rare ocurrance, happening in only 12 out of every 100,000 strokes. It has little or no chance of recovering what was damaged due to the fact that the spinal cord does not have many blood vessels allowing for a natural repair of the body. Thus, it appears as if Mom will never again have use of her left leg.

Never say Never is a good motto. Mom is at Rusk Rehabilitation to work on regaining her functionality and independence to the best of her ability. We will see what can be accomplished in the next month or so. Hope does spring eternal.

The most amazing thing has been all of the emotions I have gone through as I have watched my mother receive and realize the news. I have become fiercely protective of her and angry on her behalf. I have comforted her while she has cried and have tried to help both of my parents in whatever way I can. Unfortunately, though, my way is not the way of my other siblings. I have crossed swords with Charla and have been hurt that Craig has not responded to my calls to him. I have cried more than once for her and suspect I will cry more for her.

This journey is not over. The battle has not been fought and we are still just trying to figure out where the enemy has hidden himself. There will be many more blogs on this I am sure.

As for the rest of the vacation with Alyssa and Duane: it was absolutely wonderful. I am too tired to write about that tonight, but I will write. For Duane, Shannon, Chris, Michael, Alyssa and Cat became MY rocks. I realize how blest I am to have each and every one of them in my life at this very moment. I'll try to write about them tomorrow. Good night.

I'm Tired

Well, it is Thursday. Do or die time. I have accomplished a lot this week but I have still a lot of things to do today. This time tomorrow we will be on the road. But I can tell you, for me to survive this trip, I am going to have to get to bed at a very decent time tonight. Last night it was 1:30 a.m. before I went to bed because I was working on my college homework. I still have two assignments to go before the end of the day today...and clean house...and finish laundry....and get the dogs to David and JoAnn's....and clean the pool....and gather Duane's stuff...and pack MY stuff....and why am I sitting here writing a blog??? Cuz I am too tired to move just yet. Dot started baying at 6:30 this morning and would not shut up until I got up to feed her. Now, she is just as content as pie and sound asleep in her chair. I, on the other hand, feel like someone dragged me under a truck!!! I'm gonna take a little snooze and then get busy. I will write more next week when I am in Missouri.

Smiles

Counting Down

Happy Birthday Michael!! Its hard for me to believe that you are 22 years old. What an awesome young man you have become. You are happy and while you stress over some things, you have a focus and a determination that you will be successful. I trust that you will.

One day is gone and I only have 3 days to get things done. I had a list of 30 "general" things that I needed to accomplish before I left for Missouri. Yesterday, I got 8 1/2 of them done. Unfortunately, they were the things that took little or no time to do. Today, I have to start doing the harder things...the bigger things. I was going to clean Vina's house today but Beth and Bob are staying one more day. I don't know if I am going to have time to get it done before I leave for Missouri. I have to leave for Vina's house in about 45 minutes to help her get dogs to the groomers. Then I have to work on the pool and then get back over here to get some things done from this location. Then I will have to go back and pick up the dogs and get them home.

Okay...time to get started. I'll try to write tomorrow and report back how well I have done.

Smiles

Get Set! Get Ready! Go!!

Its Monday morning and I am ready to head out after I write this blog. It has been very busy since I last wrote with getting Vina moved into her house. Duane's sisters, Beth and Carol, came in with other family members to help move things and unpack boxes. The house looks amazing! I do believe Vina is going to love living there. Yesterday, Carol bought her a fountain for her front porch and it is truly striking.

Throughout all the weekend, Duane and I were very aware that it was our last weekend alone for quite some time. We did our best to make the most of it and I think we ended up closer than we have been for quite some time. We managed to get in some good meals, some laughter, getting some affairs in order and some quiet time. He left on Sunday and called me last night when he got in. He says the hotel is nice but there are still some financial issues with his company that need to be worked out. That part is still so frustrating.

After I dropped him at the airport, I went to Mike Lewellen's birthday party. I met Michael and Cat at the Chandler Mall and we did some shopping and then went to the party. It was a good time and just what I needed to keep me from being too sad about Duane leaving. I am so glad I went.

Today and this week are going to be busy. I am headed off to school here in a few minutes and then I am going to have lunch with Trish and Lesa. From there I have some birthday errands to run and then home to get some things done so we can leave on Friday. I have something like 30 things to get done and it means I am going to have to be moving almost every minute of every day between now and Friday.

So I am off!! Its time to get this party started!!!

Play the Cards you are Dealt

Its been forever since I have written anything. It seems like my days are flying past and I alternately think: OH MY GOSH!! and Oh well, it will all get done. I think, at some level, I must have two split personalities!! :) Vina and I will be leaving in a few minutes to go to her new house. I am in my swimsuit because I have to get into her pool and get it cleaned. We also have to tape up the two rooms she is going to have painted. We need to pay the electrician for doing the things we need him to do, I need to fix food for tomorrow, renew my SLP license, do my college homework, help Michael get moved into his room, get Duane ready to go to Tornonto...and now I am back to an OH MY GOSH mode!!

A week from today I'll be oh my goshing because I will be getting stuff ready so we can go to Missouri. I am so looking forward to our trip to Missouri. It will be fun to hang out with the kids...all of them. I can hardly wait to get my hands on Alyssa. I will write more about that later!

When we come to Missouri, we have to bring two cars. Duane is flying to Toronto and so we are bringing the Fit to give to him in Missouri. It will be filled with all the things that he is unable to take with him when he flies and all of the things that he missed so badly when he was in England.

I am running out of time but I wanted to add this last thought. I have been having such a hard time with Duane going to Toronto. I have been sad and weepy and just down in the dumps. Yesterday, Vina was getting her hair done and while I was waiting for her I picked up a newspaper to read. I was reading an article that talked about how we are unable to control the cards life deals to us. But we do best when we play the cards we are dealt with as much dignity and honor as possible. In fact, sometimes when we focus on the positive instead of the negative something good comes from the hand we have been dealt. That made me think of my Grandma Truby. Our family was always famous for playing the card game pitch. When Grandma would play, she would bid on nothing hands and make her bid and often win the game. She would smile and laugh as if it was nothing but I am guessing she was making the most out of the cards she was dealt. I am going to do the same!

Okay, so now I am off to get things done for and with Vina. It is a good day!

Smiles.

Friday

Here we are to Friday already. The time in the summer seems to fly. I was paying bills this morning and I was doing the scheduling for when they go out and suddenly realized that two weeks from today, we will be on our way to Missouri. In fact, if all goes right, we should be hitting the New Mexico border about this time!! Woo hoo. I've still got to make hotel reservations but I imagine I will do that next week sometime. I also have to do a lot of work for my college classes so I can be ahead while I am on vacation.

Yesterday, Vina signed the papers on her new house. It looks like her move in day will be Wednesday or Thursday of her basic stuff and then they will start to unload her big items on Friday. I am sure she will be happy to have this ordeal behind her. It will be nice to have her in the same city so that we can help her if anything needs attention.

Duane went to work yesterday and no one was there who could tell him anything about Toronto. I just love it when sweeping announcements are made and then everything is left in the air. I know he sent an email out asking some questions and got back, "We'll deal with that when we come to it." But we still don't know if he is having to drive to Toronto now or if he is flying...if he is in a hotel or if he is going straight to the corporate apartment..if he is coming back for Alyssa's baptism or if he is not...how often does he get to come home? GGGRRRR its okay that he's going...well not really but as okay as it can be...its just the unknown that drives me crazy.

We are getting Michael's windshield fixed today. It has a crack in it and it needs to be repaired. I am not sure he will be happy with me but the car is just sitting here and now is the time to get it replaced.

After this guy leaves, I am going to go clean the pool and then cross stitch for a little while. I get my nails done this afternoon and want to mail off some books to Charla. Maybe I should clean a little on the house too and do some laundry???? Hmmm I'll have to think about all that stuff!!

Smiles, for now.

On Tuesday, Duane gets home from work early. He walks in with a bottle of wine, puts down his things and says to me,"I have good news and I have bad news." My stomach dropped. In this economy, a spouse getting home from work early with a bottle of wine is not necessarily a "good" thing. I asked him to give me the good news first and he says, "I still have a job." That made me believe the bad news couldn't be all that bad. So, I ask for the bad news and he says, "The company is sending me to Toronto." Knowing they have a client there and they have wanted to put Duane on this project (and it would be good for him professionally) I ask the innocent question: "For how long?" He responds with, "That's the really bad news. They want me to be there for six months." The thing that makes it even harder to take is that he has to be there on June 15th!! That means he is not here when his mother moves into her new house. He is not here to go to Missouri with me. I am devastated. I had been so looking forward to showing Duane Centralia, to being at the christening for Alyssa together, to being together this summer after him being in England all of last summer. He, then, holds up the bottle of wine and says it is from his boss in hopes that it will make up for sending him away again this year. Nope...doesn't even come close although I did enjoy the wine.

He has to be there on the 15th for a two week training so we are hoping that the company will fly him to St. Louis on the 26th so we can spend the weekend together and he can be there when Alyssa is christened. The company is saying they will put him up in a corporate apartment but that they will not pay him a per diem. That stinks because now we have to take money out of our budget to pay for things the company normally would have paid for like some meals and taxi fare. They even told him he might have to drive his own car there. Our poor Fit. It will not do so well in the cold, I am afraid.

Duane's mom has been here almost since we found out the news. She knows but tonight she has gone home so maybe we can have some time to really process what this means for us both emotionally and financially. She will be back on Saturday to stay with us until she can move into her house on Wednesday or Thursday. By then Michael will be home from Boy Scout Camp and depending on the company, Duane could be on his way to Toronto.

So....here we go again.

Thoughts

Well, I'm into my second week of summer vacation and like always, my good intentions have remained good intentions. I was going to get up and work out early every day and I've gotten up one day and worked out. To be fair, four of the other days have been committed to other things like getting the 35,000 mile check up on the car, going into work, and having an electrician come and do some much needed work, but what about the other 6 days? Nope, I have no good answers or excuses.

I looked at my online class syllabus yesterday and I think it is going to be a very busy summer trying to get all of that work done. But, once these two classes are over, I will have one 3 hour class to go and then I will have my certificate in Assistive Technology. That will be an accomplishment that I will be proud of.

I"m looking forward to my vacation to Missouri to see my family. I can hardly wait to get my hands on Alyssa again, to see and hug Shannon, to talk and spend time with my parents, to laugh and talk to my sister. I am also really looking forward to traveling across country with Michael and Cat. We will have a good time together and that will be very very nice. It will be fun to show Duane my hometown and to spend time with my aunt and uncle at my parents' house.

This blogging things might be fun. I'm not going to open it up to a lot of people. Just a few family members and that should be good.